Is it possible that an abstinent relationship can miss out on other fundamentals that are related but not sexual? This thought has crossed my mind many times before but became more relevant recently and when I tuned into The View this morning. They were discussing a new movie called "Hope Springs" with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. The movie is based around a couple who is trying to get back their spark. As described, because they were no longer having relations, a lot of other things began to lack including communication, humor, other forms of intimacy, and just the general connection between the two.
So why should I, a 27 year old, decently attractive woman be thinking about something like this? I have to ask myself that question as well. I've been pretty open in my blog so I won't stop now. I've been celibate for a little over 3.5 years. Although at times it seems like the best decision I've made in my life. Many other times it seems like the worst decision since it's very hard to have the pure aspect of romance, intimacy, vulnerability and so forth when true intimacy isn't in the equation. It's as if some things are removed simply because under what I'll consider normal circumstances, it will lead to sex. Lack of this seems to take away the true exploration, spontaneity, becoming acquainted with and being able to express yourself to your partner. I understand the Godly significance of chastity but the earthly/fleshly/mental struggle seems to out weigh that understanding quite frequently.
So let's continue to be honest. It also places a "great" expectation on the future or marital status where intimacy is then involved. With marriage, one would expect things to fall into place as they should, but quite frankly what if you just aren't physically pleased by you significant other but you are faced with the realization that it's too late to do anything about it since you are now married? There are certain things about intimacy that can be improved, but we all know that there are a host of other things that can't be, including someone's likes/dislikes and physical build. Knowing this, how can one have a positive outlook on a potential marriage where the unknown is just truly unknown? Some unknowns are better than others. Too little is becoming too much right?
I know that I'm not the only one who thinks of this. I recently read an article on Essence.com that discussed the same topic. In the article, it was found that contrary to popular belief, a lot of men find it admirable and attractive for a woman to want to wait until she's married. I found that interesting because although many of my male friends and past pursuers may have found it admirable, by no means did they find it attractive or something that they thought they could deal with. In my personal life, I've known of more women to practice chastity or abstinence than men. I further feel like men may like the thought because no man likes to think of their woman or now wife being with anyone else. The fact that she is chase would then be a far more attractive concept than him doing the same.
So where can being chase get you? Besides a star on your crown if you make it to heaven, I know that there has to be some type of earthly blessing in store. You would be crazy to think that that blessing would come in the form of sex. That's just not how blessings work. Honestly, I find that most of these people end up alone. Many others marry extremely quickly in an effort to still do things the right way. Some end up in a relationship with someone with similar values and end up "accepting" them simply due to the cushioning and security provided by this shared value. Others give up hope and turn back to what some may consider wicked ways. Maybe some others end up in the "weird" or socially awkward group where discussion of such topics and interaction with the opposite sex at all seems like the worst thing in life. One thing is for certain. Almost all end up with that hot and bothered feeling when watching romantic movies or scenes from TV shows that include intimacy. Knowing this, I continue to torture myself by being so into sappy movies and shows. Either way, it doesn't seem like any of these things are synonymous with winning. I truly don't want to marry any man just to solve my fleshly desires/needs, nor do I want to marry someone where this has caused other areas to lack with the expectations that things will fall into place. Sometimes things are dragged along for so long til it's too late to save the relationship. In an effort to not go there, you end up shutting completely down. After shutting down, is there a possibility that you may not be able to recover with the same person? I am aware that marriage isn't known to save any relationship, neither is sex. So when it comes to the point where those are the only solutions available then maybe the relationship requires some regrouping and/or it may not be the one for you.
It seems that giving too little can sometimes result in being too much of a hassle. Likewise we know that giving too much can end up happening a little too soon. There has got to be a compromise. What are your thoughts?
So why should I, a 27 year old, decently attractive woman be thinking about something like this? I have to ask myself that question as well. I've been pretty open in my blog so I won't stop now. I've been celibate for a little over 3.5 years. Although at times it seems like the best decision I've made in my life. Many other times it seems like the worst decision since it's very hard to have the pure aspect of romance, intimacy, vulnerability and so forth when true intimacy isn't in the equation. It's as if some things are removed simply because under what I'll consider normal circumstances, it will lead to sex. Lack of this seems to take away the true exploration, spontaneity, becoming acquainted with and being able to express yourself to your partner. I understand the Godly significance of chastity but the earthly/fleshly/mental struggle seems to out weigh that understanding quite frequently.
So let's continue to be honest. It also places a "great" expectation on the future or marital status where intimacy is then involved. With marriage, one would expect things to fall into place as they should, but quite frankly what if you just aren't physically pleased by you significant other but you are faced with the realization that it's too late to do anything about it since you are now married? There are certain things about intimacy that can be improved, but we all know that there are a host of other things that can't be, including someone's likes/dislikes and physical build. Knowing this, how can one have a positive outlook on a potential marriage where the unknown is just truly unknown? Some unknowns are better than others. Too little is becoming too much right?
I know that I'm not the only one who thinks of this. I recently read an article on Essence.com that discussed the same topic. In the article, it was found that contrary to popular belief, a lot of men find it admirable and attractive for a woman to want to wait until she's married. I found that interesting because although many of my male friends and past pursuers may have found it admirable, by no means did they find it attractive or something that they thought they could deal with. In my personal life, I've known of more women to practice chastity or abstinence than men. I further feel like men may like the thought because no man likes to think of their woman or now wife being with anyone else. The fact that she is chase would then be a far more attractive concept than him doing the same.
So where can being chase get you? Besides a star on your crown if you make it to heaven, I know that there has to be some type of earthly blessing in store. You would be crazy to think that that blessing would come in the form of sex. That's just not how blessings work. Honestly, I find that most of these people end up alone. Many others marry extremely quickly in an effort to still do things the right way. Some end up in a relationship with someone with similar values and end up "accepting" them simply due to the cushioning and security provided by this shared value. Others give up hope and turn back to what some may consider wicked ways. Maybe some others end up in the "weird" or socially awkward group where discussion of such topics and interaction with the opposite sex at all seems like the worst thing in life. One thing is for certain. Almost all end up with that hot and bothered feeling when watching romantic movies or scenes from TV shows that include intimacy. Knowing this, I continue to torture myself by being so into sappy movies and shows. Either way, it doesn't seem like any of these things are synonymous with winning. I truly don't want to marry any man just to solve my fleshly desires/needs, nor do I want to marry someone where this has caused other areas to lack with the expectations that things will fall into place. Sometimes things are dragged along for so long til it's too late to save the relationship. In an effort to not go there, you end up shutting completely down. After shutting down, is there a possibility that you may not be able to recover with the same person? I am aware that marriage isn't known to save any relationship, neither is sex. So when it comes to the point where those are the only solutions available then maybe the relationship requires some regrouping and/or it may not be the one for you.
It seems that giving too little can sometimes result in being too much of a hassle. Likewise we know that giving too much can end up happening a little too soon. There has got to be a compromise. What are your thoughts?
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