Dr.SunShine.504: The Case of Being Equally Yoked

It's sad to say this, but the marriages of today truly make me think not once, not twice, but a bunch of times about if getting married is really the best option for me. It's no secret and I'm pretty open about it. I know that it depends on who you are with but quite frankly it seems that once papers get signed some people turn into someone you never knew. I think the biggest issue is that many couples just aren't equally yoked. That statement is one that many Christians know about yet it seems to be limited in discussion amongst only my parent's generation. It appears that the age group of 18-45 may have completely forgotten about the fact that the Bible speaks of being equally yoked. A mere example of such a case is vaguely shown in the popular TV show, The Game. Derwin Davis is a Christian man married to an atheist wife, Melanie. I know that they haven't openly come out and said that she's atheist but let's keep it simple, if you don't believe in God, you my friend are atheist. Just yesterday, the show aired this couple trying to go to church. Melanie has switched pastors/churches for the added benefits of getting the pastor to postpone church until she arrives. She also has made a hefty donation to the church because she seems to think God is like a wishing well in which if she gives her money, she gets what she wants. At some point Derwin in seriously going to blow up about the way she handles her relationship or should I say non-existing relationship with God. In all actuality, does he have a right to complain being that he knew that they weren't similar in that area prior to marriage? It's hard to say yes to that. In addition, Melanie is still upset over Derwin having a child for another woman prior to their marriage. Again, should she have a right to complain if this is something she willingly signed on for when she signed her marriage license? Maybe if couples today would make a list of all the things that are important to them and all of the things that make a relationship and family work and compare their lists before a proposal, then half of the world's marital issues and failed marriages would never exist. Right?

As most of us know, one of the top reasons for divorce world wide is due to money issues. I know a big deal breaker for me is a man who doesn't make any money. It is seriously hard as a woman to feel secure with your relationship and your man although you make more money or your man doesn't make any at all. Being that I'm in school to be a doctor, I don't necessarily expect my future spouse to make the exact same amount of money as I will make, but I will wholeheartedly admit that I won't argue with him if he did. I recall one of my friends always telling me that my standards were too high and that I would never be happy with all of my requirements. I guess I'll have to blog about my "list" in a future post. Lol. Well let me put it to you like this, being a doctor usually comes with about a quarter of a million dollar stack of debt known as student loans. What sense would it make for me to marry a man that can't help me pay my debt? Your spouse is supposed to be your helpmate, right? Looking beyond the "now", if I plan to have kids or if misfortune hits and I'm unable to work, I need a spouse who will be able to pick up the slack. I understand that I acquired the bill but I also understand that there really are no "I's" and "me's" when it should be a "we" after marriage. It's really hard as an African American woman to find a suitable man these days, especially an African American one. With the financial requirement I just knocked about 75% of men off the board. Subtract the other 20% who are taken and/or gay and what do I have left? 5% which includes the socially awkward, men with a few or more than a few kids, old dried up men, troubled men with failed marriages, the baby mama drama baggage carriers, etc. I know I might arouse anger in some for this next statement, but here goes. It's really hard... let me rephrase that... It's damn near impossible to find a straight African American male who makes over $60K, doesn't have kids or failed marriages, isn't a womanizer, doesn't have mental issues, is chivalrous and who loves and worships the same God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit that I do. (Disclaimer: I know I forgot some other major qualities if you know what I mean, but let's stay focused. Lol.)

With all that being said, I don't see how people are just getting hitched like it's cuffing season all year long. Marriage should not be a fad. If I'm not feeling like I'm evenly yoked in the areas that mean the most then guess what? I just may not be getting married. The thought of that puts a horribly bad taste in my mouth, but I'd rather be alone and at peace rather than miserable laying next to someone I've grown to despise. Misery loves company right? So at what point do you make a compromise? Let's be real. Compromising is often synonymous with settling or selling yourself short. And for me, I'm too old with too many great things going for myself to ever settle for that. So what do you do? Do you settle for the man who is all that and a bag of chips, but he only makes $40K and may not be the best looking? Or do you go for fine and buff Mr. Big who will pay out all your debt, clean the house, take care of the kids, but disrespect you on the regular? Do you accept Mr. Blue Collar Worker who saves his money and makes it count, treats you right and spoils you like the Queen you know you are? Or do you live happily ever after with Mr. Dr. Rev. Somebody who can provide your needs and wants, loves you like you are the only girl in the world but smokes cigarettes?

Is there really a such thing as being "equally" yoked? Or is there just a "yoking limit" that you need to determine and just learn to deal with the rest? Should you just be equally yoked religiously speaking and the rest are just added bonuses? As you can see, I have real questions that deserve real answers. Lol.

TO BE CONTINUED...