That Ugly Part of Me

Sometimes we all have to do a little soul searching to figure out what are the negative things about us and to own them and make a conscious effort to work on them. Now while many of us are in some crazy sense of denial about being imperfect, we ALL have flaws. So in listening to my Avery Sunshine station on Pandora, burning a Eucalyptus candle and sipping on a glass of Pinot Grigio tonight, suddenly"Ugly Part of Me" came on. The opening words of this song include her saying, "Last night, I got mad. I said things I shouldn't have said." She later tells him to "Charge it to my head and not my heart" and then she goes on repeatedly saying "I love you." So what's the ugly part of me?... It's exactly what she's talking about. While I think I'm a relatively bubbly person. I can't even lie... I've got a mouth piece. While I've always boasted of having a way with words, it's not always a positive thing if I'm beginning to use that craft for negative reasons. In recent times, I really have had to battle my new profound willingness to flat out speak my mind. For years I lived in some kind of shell where I thought the very things that I so openly say today. The thing about the tongue is this... not everyone can accept the truths you may spit out, the very person spitting it out may not be able to receive it in return and some of what we say may actually be "that ugly part" of you. Don't let your mouth be a weapon against those you love who aren't even trying to battle you. Proverbs 18:21 states "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Now who wants to go around reaping the disadvantages of having a loose tongue? There is power in the words that we say. My mom would always quote this statement to us when our conversations would turn negative and sometimes just flat out derogatory. It's ok to have an opinion, but as my dad always says, "Opinions are like assholes... everyone has one." Sometimes it's best to keep it to yourself. Can you imagine a world where we all just walked around firing off on our opinions. Sometimes it's also best to hold your tongue on some situations that may be itching you. I'm not saying to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders wishing you could release it. I'm saying that sometimes we need to wait til the situation cools down and we can handle a conversation about it in a better manner. While that's easier said then done, we also must identify the reason why we are the way we are. I know that mine tends to be a defense mechanism as a result of past hurts or the feelings that the present situation is a person that's simply trying to hurt me again. I'm aware that it truly only has gotten worse as the wall I have up only gets taller and thicker. I can only pray that the Lord continues to allow me to work on myself in this area. Allow me to cool and calm my tongue. Allow me to use it for edification and a critical way. I'm a mess on some levels yet a work in progress...

So while I have an ugly part (or two) of me... what's yours?