Friends. How Many of Us Have Them?

Source

Recently on one of Wendy Williams' "Hot Topics", it was said that songstress Mary J. Blige does not allow her hubby to have female friends. She's been married to this man for 11 years and this seems to be her secret to success, but I'm not sure if I'm convinced that she has no male friends in return? As a woman in the industry, is it possible to not have any male friends? Does P. Diddy not call and say, "Hey girl, let's do lunch"? Does she not hang out with her producers or members of her record label? 

There are a lot of people who feel as if men and women can not "just be friends". I disagree with that. As a woman who has male best friends that I'm not attracted to, it's hard for me to say that it's impossible. Any person would be attracted to a person who is attractive. So in these day in ages, you can forbid a person to have friends of the opposite sex, but with "brothas on the down low" and so forth, you could still experience the same issues. Generally in my relationships I'm not one to tell my man that he can't have female friends. I do believe there is a certain way to conduct friends of the opposite sex. They do not get all the rights and privileges as a significant other or more. For instance, I dated a guy where his female friends would come to his apartment, sleep in his bed, drive his car and stay for a whole week or however long that they desired. To me that's just too much. These women were getting the same rights and privileges that I had when I eventually moved in with him for a few months. What was the difference? Title? What woman wants to sleep in a bed that another woman has slept in? They also were allowed to spend the night at his mother's house, walk around bra-less, and I was told that I needed to leave so that she could let out the sofa bed and get some rest. Too much? Well not to him and his family.

Generally with my male friends I try to maintain a respectable distance whether they have a significant other or not. Simply because I don't ever want them to think that my intentions are to be more than just friends. I call only during certain hours. I don't call or text nearly as much as I would contact a female friend. I usually gain some type of relationship with their significant other. I know that any friendship leaves room for error, but I think it's unrealistic to think that a man and woman can not be friends or that you can tell someone that they can't have them and it actually happens. Don't get me wrong. There are some that can't just be friends. There are some that will push the friendship to the limits, like what I described above. But there are exceptions to every rule. If given the regulation of no friends of the opposite sex, there are some people who would merely just sneak behind that person's back and do what they want. While you may be worried about his female friends, be mindful of your own female friends whom you allow to be around and they may have cruel intentions and hook up with your man. The possibilities of deception are endless so I don't think it's wise to have a closed mind in this situation. 

So what's my stance on friends of the opposite sex? You can have them but they need to be mentioned out the front door. I've had guys mention "besties" a whole year later, yet they couldn't understand why I gave them the side eye. I also have a policy of "no new friends". I understand that we all could switch jobs or churches and meet new people, but we need not interact on a "bestie" level, exchange phone numbers, and engage in family gatherings with a person of the opposite sex that we just met while in a relationship. The "getting to know you" phase should be over with by the time the status changes in my relationship with someone. I am well aware that a man can cheat with an old friend just as he can with a new. I'm also well aware from experience that the very people whom a lot of guys refer to as "little sister" can still be the very ones they end up marrying and having kids with. The opportunity exists for anyone. My experience with guys has allowed me to experience all of these things happening before my eyes while a man tries to assure me that they are "just friends". 

In essence, I guess the key point is to have trust. Such strict rules can be easily broken just as no rules can lead to someone taking advantage of the situation. Judge your relationship accordingly. If you know that you are being disrespectful in your ways of handling a person outside of your relationship, then perhaps you don't need to be in a relationship. If you know you are insecure and are consistently going to feel like every woman  is the "other woman", then maybe you should be alone as well. Don't make someone else's life miserable just because you have some issues within that you haven't dealt with.