pas·sive
adjective
If there is one thing I can't stand, it's a person who is passive or practices evasion. I'm guessing my upbringing was just a little different than most people I know. There wasn't a single topic that my mother didn't address with us or anyone else. My mother by far is the most direct person I know. Her forwardness couldn't help but to be respected by many. She was known as the lady who would "tell it like it is". There was no sugar coating things. She didn't have a vulgar tone so most things she said still came out in a respectful and ladylike format. It was just shocking because she'd say what everyone else was thinking. If your breath was giving off an aweful funk, she told you and gave you a peppermint. If she knew you were having sex, she asked if you used knew how to use condoms. Lol. If the pastor preached about something in error, she addressed him right after church. My mother was just that kind of woman, but her speech and ways let you know that it was all out of love. But how forward is too forward and when do things become unlady like? I'm learning that there is a limit. I've heard of some people's parents discussing their sexual life or lack there of with complete strangers, friends or family members as if it's their business. In those cases, that's gossip and bashing, not forwardness. I just feel like the distinction needs to be made. My mother was forward, but she never talked about or bashed her kids or other people. She never condoned our wrong doing nor did she ever try to make someone look bad by embarrassing them publicly. Our business was our business and their was no reason the whole family or outsiders needed to know how many people we've slept with, where we spent the night out, how much money we will be making, etc. There's a limit... We were a private family and still are.
I think in growing up from a little girl to now a young woman, the quality of forwardness is strong in me as well. I try to give people 3 chances, unlike my mother, before speaking out, but when I've had enough I'm saying exactly what I want to say. I'll turn into a loose cannon when I feel like I've been disrespected. I can not stand a person that is passive and evades topics just to keep peace. It's true that blessed are the peacemakers, but let's keep in mind that not addressing certain topics or ideas usually creates chaos not peace. I had a discussion with my sister the other day about how I feel that passiveness and evasion are forms of immaturity. Two of which me nor any of my siblings possess. I can't stand when a problem occurs between me and someone and instead of addressing it, they evade me or the topic. Is that the mature way to handle things? My mother taught me to go to the source and address the topic. Don't leave any room for confusion or misconception. In particular I don't like when I'm dating someone, and I run into an issue with their coworkers, friends, associates or even family. I usually decide to watch my tongue because afterall these people have been in this person's life longer than I, but I decide to address the topic with my significant other. It bothers me when the response is that person saying it's not a big deal, I shouldn't say anything, they will handle it, they can't spend their time correcting adults and so forth. So nothing happens and the situation escalates out of control. Low and behold, when this happens, I'm considered the bad person for feeling the way I feel because I want to directly address the situation and/or not surround myself with those people at all regardless of their relationship with you. It's bad when someone's passive and evasive nature leads him to only want to I guess sit and pray. Is this a Biblical solution? Am I missing something? Yet, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have and have had no problem addressing anyone in my circle who I felt like offended or got out of line with my significant other whether I was present when it happened or not. In my family/friends defense, I don't recall a situation where any of them directly got out of the box. I wasn't raised to "kiss ass" as my father says or be someone's punching bag where they can say whatever they want, but I'm supposed to just sit, pray and smile? I guess the real issue is that at some point in everyone's life, they have to correct the people who are nearest and dearest to them. At some point when you grow from childhood to adulthood, one has to stand up to "mommy and daddy" and say "NO!" or "I think you are wrong." It's not to be disrespectful, but it's just to take a stand in your life. You will always be treated like a child if you always act like one and allow people to treat you like such. At some point we all will leave our parents and by Biblical instruction cling to our significant others. If one is still defending their parents and too timid to address their parents or family, then how can someone think that they'll be ready for the future or marriage? I've reached a point in my life where before my mother passed, I had no problem telling her no or how I felt, and at this point, no one else will get superior treatment and cause me to hold my tongue. No one is exempt from my forwardness if my own mother wasn't. Everyone reaches a point where they are tired of being nice... tired of biting the bullet... tired of being a verbal punching bag. I feel like family will be family regardless of if you tell them how you feel or not. If you lose them based on telling the truth then maybe one needs to consider whether or not that person was really meant to be in their lives. We all are taught and to some degree just assume that mom and dad are always right and don't tell lies, but as you grow you find out those things aren't true. What's a blessing is when mom and dad can be human and tell you that they are wrong and embrace their faults or ill intentions. Not everyone grows into that. I was blessed to have a mother who did.
Imagine having an argument with someone and for days they tip toe around you, don't speak to you or lose contact and when you do hear from them they talk about miniscule things like work, sports and politics just to evade the problem at hand. This doesn't get rid of the problem. I'm not one who likes to argue, but I can't stand when I have a problem with something and the other person has nothing to say back. They just say "Ok" and even offer prayer as the solution for my feelings. Prayer changes things but it should be my decision to want to pray about it not you telling me to because you don't want to address the topic. Maybe it's just me, but I don't find this normal. I find it evasive. It's like saying well maybe if I don't engage in the convo or mention it then it will disappear. Problems don't disappear. They usually recur or get worse when evaded. I didn't have to grow up to learn that. I learned that as a child, but I'm learning that everyone's raising is different... much different than mine.
So I ask all the passive and evasive people, when will you grab your balls and proceed down the lane? I suppose it's better late than never, but sometimes things occur when it's too late... Passive and evasive people allow the best things that ever happened to them to walk out of their lives simply because they aren't able to mature up and handle certain situations. With the education and job I have, a man can't provide much for me that I can't provide for myself. Perhaps that's the issue with this new independent woman movement. Regardless, I have an old school upbringing, and I was taught that a man should make me feel secure or protected both financially and physically. One time in Bible study we talked about how a man is supposed to be an umbrella for his wife and children, and in turn God is the bigger umbrella above all of them. Umbrellas protect you from the rain, right? But if a man can't stand up for you or protect your feelings and best interest, then why be with him?
Maybe it's just time that I move on to another topic and new horizons. You can't make people be who you want them to be, who you need them to be or who they need to be for any healthy relationship with them to work. I've officially given it to God. Sometimes the damage is far deeper than the human eye can see. Passiveness and evasion causes hurt. Perhaps for both parties but more-so for the person whose standing their waiting for their knight in shining armor to come galloping in. I guess if it's meant to be then the growth will take place, if not then so be it. I always joke with my friends about finding "Earl", well maybe Earl will come galloping in soon... Lol.
adjective
5. influenced, acted upon, or affected by some external force, cause, or agency; being the object of action rather than causing action ( opposed to active ).
noun
2. the avoiding of an argument, accusation, question, or the like, as by a subterfuge: The old political boss was notorious for his practice of evasion.
If there is one thing I can't stand, it's a person who is passive or practices evasion. I'm guessing my upbringing was just a little different than most people I know. There wasn't a single topic that my mother didn't address with us or anyone else. My mother by far is the most direct person I know. Her forwardness couldn't help but to be respected by many. She was known as the lady who would "tell it like it is". There was no sugar coating things. She didn't have a vulgar tone so most things she said still came out in a respectful and ladylike format. It was just shocking because she'd say what everyone else was thinking. If your breath was giving off an aweful funk, she told you and gave you a peppermint. If she knew you were having sex, she asked if you used knew how to use condoms. Lol. If the pastor preached about something in error, she addressed him right after church. My mother was just that kind of woman, but her speech and ways let you know that it was all out of love. But how forward is too forward and when do things become unlady like? I'm learning that there is a limit. I've heard of some people's parents discussing their sexual life or lack there of with complete strangers, friends or family members as if it's their business. In those cases, that's gossip and bashing, not forwardness. I just feel like the distinction needs to be made. My mother was forward, but she never talked about or bashed her kids or other people. She never condoned our wrong doing nor did she ever try to make someone look bad by embarrassing them publicly. Our business was our business and their was no reason the whole family or outsiders needed to know how many people we've slept with, where we spent the night out, how much money we will be making, etc. There's a limit... We were a private family and still are.
I think in growing up from a little girl to now a young woman, the quality of forwardness is strong in me as well. I try to give people 3 chances, unlike my mother, before speaking out, but when I've had enough I'm saying exactly what I want to say. I'll turn into a loose cannon when I feel like I've been disrespected. I can not stand a person that is passive and evades topics just to keep peace. It's true that blessed are the peacemakers, but let's keep in mind that not addressing certain topics or ideas usually creates chaos not peace. I had a discussion with my sister the other day about how I feel that passiveness and evasion are forms of immaturity. Two of which me nor any of my siblings possess. I can't stand when a problem occurs between me and someone and instead of addressing it, they evade me or the topic. Is that the mature way to handle things? My mother taught me to go to the source and address the topic. Don't leave any room for confusion or misconception. In particular I don't like when I'm dating someone, and I run into an issue with their coworkers, friends, associates or even family. I usually decide to watch my tongue because afterall these people have been in this person's life longer than I, but I decide to address the topic with my significant other. It bothers me when the response is that person saying it's not a big deal, I shouldn't say anything, they will handle it, they can't spend their time correcting adults and so forth. So nothing happens and the situation escalates out of control. Low and behold, when this happens, I'm considered the bad person for feeling the way I feel because I want to directly address the situation and/or not surround myself with those people at all regardless of their relationship with you. It's bad when someone's passive and evasive nature leads him to only want to I guess sit and pray. Is this a Biblical solution? Am I missing something? Yet, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have and have had no problem addressing anyone in my circle who I felt like offended or got out of line with my significant other whether I was present when it happened or not. In my family/friends defense, I don't recall a situation where any of them directly got out of the box. I wasn't raised to "kiss ass" as my father says or be someone's punching bag where they can say whatever they want, but I'm supposed to just sit, pray and smile? I guess the real issue is that at some point in everyone's life, they have to correct the people who are nearest and dearest to them. At some point when you grow from childhood to adulthood, one has to stand up to "mommy and daddy" and say "NO!" or "I think you are wrong." It's not to be disrespectful, but it's just to take a stand in your life. You will always be treated like a child if you always act like one and allow people to treat you like such. At some point we all will leave our parents and by Biblical instruction cling to our significant others. If one is still defending their parents and too timid to address their parents or family, then how can someone think that they'll be ready for the future or marriage? I've reached a point in my life where before my mother passed, I had no problem telling her no or how I felt, and at this point, no one else will get superior treatment and cause me to hold my tongue. No one is exempt from my forwardness if my own mother wasn't. Everyone reaches a point where they are tired of being nice... tired of biting the bullet... tired of being a verbal punching bag. I feel like family will be family regardless of if you tell them how you feel or not. If you lose them based on telling the truth then maybe one needs to consider whether or not that person was really meant to be in their lives. We all are taught and to some degree just assume that mom and dad are always right and don't tell lies, but as you grow you find out those things aren't true. What's a blessing is when mom and dad can be human and tell you that they are wrong and embrace their faults or ill intentions. Not everyone grows into that. I was blessed to have a mother who did.
Imagine having an argument with someone and for days they tip toe around you, don't speak to you or lose contact and when you do hear from them they talk about miniscule things like work, sports and politics just to evade the problem at hand. This doesn't get rid of the problem. I'm not one who likes to argue, but I can't stand when I have a problem with something and the other person has nothing to say back. They just say "Ok" and even offer prayer as the solution for my feelings. Prayer changes things but it should be my decision to want to pray about it not you telling me to because you don't want to address the topic. Maybe it's just me, but I don't find this normal. I find it evasive. It's like saying well maybe if I don't engage in the convo or mention it then it will disappear. Problems don't disappear. They usually recur or get worse when evaded. I didn't have to grow up to learn that. I learned that as a child, but I'm learning that everyone's raising is different... much different than mine.
So I ask all the passive and evasive people, when will you grab your balls and proceed down the lane? I suppose it's better late than never, but sometimes things occur when it's too late... Passive and evasive people allow the best things that ever happened to them to walk out of their lives simply because they aren't able to mature up and handle certain situations. With the education and job I have, a man can't provide much for me that I can't provide for myself. Perhaps that's the issue with this new independent woman movement. Regardless, I have an old school upbringing, and I was taught that a man should make me feel secure or protected both financially and physically. One time in Bible study we talked about how a man is supposed to be an umbrella for his wife and children, and in turn God is the bigger umbrella above all of them. Umbrellas protect you from the rain, right? But if a man can't stand up for you or protect your feelings and best interest, then why be with him?
Maybe it's just time that I move on to another topic and new horizons. You can't make people be who you want them to be, who you need them to be or who they need to be for any healthy relationship with them to work. I've officially given it to God. Sometimes the damage is far deeper than the human eye can see. Passiveness and evasion causes hurt. Perhaps for both parties but more-so for the person whose standing their waiting for their knight in shining armor to come galloping in. I guess if it's meant to be then the growth will take place, if not then so be it. I always joke with my friends about finding "Earl", well maybe Earl will come galloping in soon... Lol.
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