Engagements, Marriages and Baby Carriages

Is it just me or is everyone doing one of the above. My IG, Twitter and Facebook feeds are all filled with "Congratulations" blah blah blah. But for some reason it really makes a woman like me sit back and ask, what am I doing wrong? Or am I doing anything wrong at all?

True statement: Had I not had some revelation back when I probably would have been married by the age of 24 or younger to the guy I dated for almost 6 years on and off... Hands down!

Thank God for wake up calls! I can't imagine how my life would have been had I married the person I was dating back when, knowing what I know about them now. I used to think that 24 would be the perfect age to marry since that's the age my parents married and had a baby. Now I'm 28 and am walking the tightrope on feeling like I'm ready for such vast changes in my life but what's the rush? Is it peer pressure? My biological clock? What is it?

Question: Am I scared of commitment?
I've always bluntly answered this question with a swift "No." But after pondering it a few days ago I honestly realized that the idea of lifelong commitment such as marriage makes me nervous. It's 2013 and every young person I know who's <30 and married is unhappy, separated, working on a divorce, or divorced. Ok... ok... there are a few happy people on my social media feeds but none are African American. Am I overlooking someone or does this signify trouble in paradise for my race? Lol. I've always been the girl who preferred relationships and wanted to marry and have a family but now I'm the woman who could care less about drama and BS. If a relationship brings on too much headaches and heartache then is it really worth it? I'd rather be single and miserable rather than in a relationship and miserable. My misery doesn't like company.

Marriage is a commitment to God and nothing to play with. You can't just get mad with your spouse and leave. With time, love, money and vows invested you have to try to work things out. If it was just a relationship then I could just chose "me" at any given moment and leave the relationship. In my opinion, not very many great examples of successful marriages exist. Anyone that seems too perfect has a whole heap of issues that you just can't see. No relationship is perfect. Although these are my views I furthermore don't fault many of the young people for divorcing. You learn a lot through experiences and maturity. 

The on-going debate: when you are marrying someone, are you marrying just them or their family as well?

I recognize that the Bible speaks of a man finding a wife and finding a good thing and also of leaving his parents to be with her, but let's face it, you dont't break the parental bond when you marry. If a guy is a Mama's boy then it's only convenient if the mother and the wife get along. Likewise for the father of a daddy's girl and the husband. But what's the chances of that actually happening? Mama's boy and daddy's girls are special creations. So special that mothers and fathers usually have some type of conflict with the incoming in-law. Simply because they have this protective bond and they feel someone's going to get something they don't have. I'll save my Mama's boy spill for another blog, but I am well aware that there are different types of each but in the end of the day they all share that common factor. You marry the man/woman, you marry the parents for sure and other relatives as well. If you plan on having kids you marry their upbringing tactics, their genes, etc. You can't just marry a person and say screw their family. Likewise a family can't just say screw the in-law.

Question: Is it unethical to resort to a sperm bank for procreation? Adoption? 

Perhaps that question doesn't seem relevant to the person who is happily in a relationship, already with child(ren), or married, but for someone like myself who is 28, single and not dating and probably not marrying in the next 2 years due to the previously mentioned, then what are your options for kids? of course there's adoption which i am strongly leaning towards whether I marry or not. I joke often about sperm banks and the response that I get from people is quite interesting. I agree, the concept of some stranger's Sperm and genetic pool combining with mine is a bit freaky but obviously these clinics are open for a reason. Someone thinks its a good idea. Someone told me that it would be selfish of me to consult a sperm bank or to even adopt while single because I'd be opting to be a single parent and kids need both parents. I can see where he was coming from but in the case of the adopted child, what's better... Them floating from foster home to foster home or having one loving and stable parent that can provide a home for them? Either way it goes the thoughts all cross my mind because everyone seems to have baby fever.

My conclusion is this... Society can do whatever they want to do. I love being in a relationship, but I also love some of the perks of being single like peace of mind. I choose not to live my life based on society's norms. After discussing these topics with some friends, I've discovered that my concerns are the same as others. What's for me is for me... I just hope I'm not too "old" when it finds me. Lol.