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I grew up in a 2 parent home with 2 other siblings. My grandmother passed away nearly 2 weeks before I was born, while my grandfather passed away 2 months after I was born. The amount of stress placed on my family was unbearable. Who would help my mother take care of her now 3 kids when she's gone to work? My mother and father made a decision to allow my mother to stay at home to raise the 3 of us. Needless to say my mother was a 24/7 mother my entire life. She woke us up in the morning, provide a warm breakfast, brought us to school or saw us off on the bus, picked us up and nursed us when we were sick, came on every field trip, helped with every school event and party, went to every teacher's conference/open house, cooked 2-3 meals a day, educated us, brought us to church and Sunday school, and the list is endless. There just weren't many times that I can recall my mother not being present. I'm 26 years old now and can only recall a hand full of times that she hasn't been able to make it, moreso now due to health reasons. My mother's love for children and her own children makes me often think that this woman was plain and simply born to be a mother. She dreaded being away from her kids for too long. She didn't just go on vacations and leave us with a friend or a relative. Until I was about 15 years old, I had never spent a single night in my house without my mother being there. I know that the idea of that is just absurd today, but my mother was just one to want to personally cover all areas in an effort to do her best as a mother. Even for myself as a woman, I've built an educational foundation that will provide me with a seemingly great career and means of income. The idea of being a "full-time" mother just doesn't seem realistic to me. I didn't work this hard to accomplish so much to only stay at home every day of my life and raise my kids. Although this is the case, I often state that I'm willing to be a "part-time" career woman in an effort to be there for my kids. I recognize the importance of having a mother who is dependable and apart of every transition in your life. I have plenty of friends and associates who didn't get to experience what I did as a child and they went through life lacking in certain areas and yearning for a parent to devote more time. I've been deemed by my friends as "lucky" to have a mother who helped with homework and was always home with a warm meal on the table when I got home from school. The beauty of it all is that my mother doesn't regret her decision to stay home and be a full-time mother. She says she would do it all over again because she got a chance to fully experience and enjoy her kids.
So again, here we are in 2012, where women are willingly having kids from teenage years all the way into their late forties. I find that everyone wants to have a kid but no one wants to be a mother. I guess what brings me to this topic is the fact that Beyonce has been said to have 6 nannies to help her take care of her one and only child, Blue Ivy. Pardon me, I'm not trying to hate, but why on earth does a woman who was supposedly ready for children need SIX nannies to help her take care of her one and only child. I understand that Beyonce will not be a full time mother nor will she even be a part time mom, so she needs the extra help. It's almost as if she will simply be "on call" since 6 other women will be handling the child. The added fact that her baby's diaper gets changed every hour whether it needs to be or not is a whole topic that I just won't address. I know I've been on a Beyonce bashing spree lately, but the truth is that I love her as an artist, I just don't know about as a person. I'm not dismissing the benefits of a nanny. In the times that we live in where mothers must also work or have made career choices, it's nearly impossible to really be there for your kids. An extra set of hands is always a help. But SIX nannies plus realtives and friends helping out? How much help does one couple need with one child? I just don't understand why one would have kids if essentially you don't have time to raise them. It seems like 75% or more of the child's time will be spent with people other than her parents. One of my colleagues mentioned one time that her and her mother were never close because she was raised by a nanny. She said she rarely saw her mom and doesn't know what the role of a mother is. She still has a better relationship with her nanny rather than her mother. As a woman, I just don't understand how a woman can allow another woman to be closer to her daughter/son than she is. There's no pride in knowing that the great person that your child has become is accredited to their nanny and not yourself.
I also am aware that most women are not with the father of their child(ren), thus making it hard to be there for the kids if you have to be the sole provider, working long shifts. With this being the case, those same single mothers are usually the ones I always see out and about, shopping, partying, vacationing, clubbing, and basically experiencing more life than I do as a childless woman. It appears that the little bit of free time that they do get, their kids aren't worthy of it. When will the kid win?
I've made the decision to not have children at the moment, not only because I want to do things the right way and in God's timing, but also because I know that I'm not ready for the lifelong commitment that motherhood entails. Kids aren't just objects or trophies to own or display at your convenience. They are living beings that God gave you so that you can be their guardian, raise them in a Godly fashion and be there for them through thick and thin. The same way that we expect God to always be there and to answer our prayers, isn't that what we expect of our parents? We depend on our Father to supply all of our needs just as our kids depend on us to supply theirs. Bottom line, I think the women of today need to learn the importance of not just being breeders but nurturers. Pregnancy and motherhood shouldn't be just a fad or a civic duty. We, as women, get upset when people, especially men, downplay the role of a mother, yet we do it to ourselves. Conceive and parent a child because you were born to be a nurturer, not because your biological clock is running out, your man wants kids, you are making an attempt to keep your man, your friends have kids, you need something to claim on income taxes, kids are cute, etc. Being a mother is a glorious role... one of the most important roles in life, in my opinion. If this was taken more seriously, perhaps the issues that our youth are now facing would be at a minimum or non-existent.
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