This! This! And more of THIS!
India Arie is one of my favorite neosoul artists mainly because I feel like in some ways she is my kindred spirit. This post from her Instagram page last week confirmed that.
I'd like to consider myself a powerful woman. I have the propensity to be a great mate and the correct ingredients to make up a power couple. What I find most interesting is that dating in my 30s has been the toughest phase of life yet. I entered into my 30s in a relationship that I wanted to be my last one, in the sense that it would result in growth and marriage. After being single for only a few months and having a lot of time to myself with little effort to spread my wings, I'm finding the pool of single men to be a bit discouraging. Not that I'm currently dating like that, but people I meet want the 5 star dinner with lobster and filet mignon with a bottle of vintage wine from me when it comes to qualities, but they have nothing or bare minimal to offer in return. It's already slim pickings out here and it's like I'm being asked to "settle" for whats not up to par.
I like to consider myself well rounded. I'm not perfect by far, but I've got a little of positive in just about every area of my life, from spiritual to mental to physical to financial. But the question is, where's my match? Where's the man who may not make what I make but can make a dollar count and make me feel financially secure for moments when I need a break, help or just don't have it? Where's the man who knows the role of a man as provider, protector and priest (Godly head of household per Pastor Fred Luter, Jr.) and actually wants to do it without bitching and complaining? Where's the man who knows that a woman's role isn't simply to be of emotional support? Where's the man that doesn't question the very things I'm saying that I want because he just gets it? I'm not saying that he doesn't exist. I'm just saying that he's likely married, just not within a reasonable radius where our stars may align or perhaps he's being worked on by God like all of us and just isn't ready for me yet.
The reason this is important to me is because I can be all of the above... but as a woman, I shouldn't have to be. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm the man and as if these men out here just want to be babied and pacified like boys or women. I just want someone who matches my dopeness and compliments my fly. Am I asking for too much? If your life is in shambles, what makes you think I want or need your problems? Do people do self evaluations and realize that they may be at a point where they don't need to be in a relationship until they achieve stability? If you have wasted your life away not making money and now are in panic of how you need to make more, need a new job or career, etc, what exactly do you want me to do with this? I can empower someone else as a friend but there's just a certain level that I desire in a husband. I'm not saying that I can't empower a husband, but I'm just saying that I'd like for majority of the basics to be covered. There's a strong distinction between what interaction calls for a friendship and which one is allowed to flourish into a romantic relationship. If you can't provide the 3 P's for a Godly husband, then why apply? Maybe other women find this acceptable but I don't. And for heaven's sake, I'm tired of hearing that there is more than one way to provide. The provider I'm talking about is one who supplies the most important necessities of life; a roof over our heads, food, clothing and transportation.
The truth of the matter is that I can seriously lead a life of a superwoman by myself, but I too would one day like to feel vulnerable enough and secure enough to remove my crown and my cape and allow a man to take the wheel. I have and hate the fear that I may lack while allowing someone else to be in control, but that fear develops with just not having a sense of security unless I provide it for myself. As I told someone in what turned into an unplanned on my behalf back and forth debate over my opinion of what I desire in a mate, it must be really nice to feel wholeheartedly secure about a woman who can cook, clean, provide 50% or 100% for herself or even you, help with outdoor upkeep, hustle to get us out of any hole we may be in, be affectionate, smells nice, dresses well, have a bubbly personality, be respectful, open to trying new things, educated, go to the Father on your behalf, God fearing, not have kids or an ex-husband (though I'm open to someone with both in their history), etc. It would just be nice to get the same... Someone who's ego can be stroked because it deserves to be admired and applauded, not because you're just trying to keep peace and save feelings. To me that's not arguable. What I want for me and what I feel like I deserve is what I DESERVE. Your opinion that differs from this really goes in through one ear and out the other. There's no compromising unless I choose to and without any feelings involved, it's easy to say what I'm not dealing with. You can't convince me that I'm asking for too much because if that's the case then maybe I just need to give a little or even a lot less of me so one can ask for more and feel the same way. I'm also not convinced that I'm asking too much when I know women who have men just like this. It's almost as if men today make women feel "too accomplished" if that's possible. I am who I am through the help of God. If you want to be with me, it's quite simple. Ship up or ship out. Step correct or don't step at all. Otherwise, say hello to the ignore zone or the friend zone. Choose ye this day.
I'll just sit this post here as I continue to wait to be wowed instead of underwhelmed... waiting for my "Good thang".
India Arie is one of my favorite neosoul artists mainly because I feel like in some ways she is my kindred spirit. This post from her Instagram page last week confirmed that.
I'd like to consider myself a powerful woman. I have the propensity to be a great mate and the correct ingredients to make up a power couple. What I find most interesting is that dating in my 30s has been the toughest phase of life yet. I entered into my 30s in a relationship that I wanted to be my last one, in the sense that it would result in growth and marriage. After being single for only a few months and having a lot of time to myself with little effort to spread my wings, I'm finding the pool of single men to be a bit discouraging. Not that I'm currently dating like that, but people I meet want the 5 star dinner with lobster and filet mignon with a bottle of vintage wine from me when it comes to qualities, but they have nothing or bare minimal to offer in return. It's already slim pickings out here and it's like I'm being asked to "settle" for whats not up to par.
I like to consider myself well rounded. I'm not perfect by far, but I've got a little of positive in just about every area of my life, from spiritual to mental to physical to financial. But the question is, where's my match? Where's the man who may not make what I make but can make a dollar count and make me feel financially secure for moments when I need a break, help or just don't have it? Where's the man who knows the role of a man as provider, protector and priest (Godly head of household per Pastor Fred Luter, Jr.) and actually wants to do it without bitching and complaining? Where's the man who knows that a woman's role isn't simply to be of emotional support? Where's the man that doesn't question the very things I'm saying that I want because he just gets it? I'm not saying that he doesn't exist. I'm just saying that he's likely married, just not within a reasonable radius where our stars may align or perhaps he's being worked on by God like all of us and just isn't ready for me yet.
The reason this is important to me is because I can be all of the above... but as a woman, I shouldn't have to be. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm the man and as if these men out here just want to be babied and pacified like boys or women. I just want someone who matches my dopeness and compliments my fly. Am I asking for too much? If your life is in shambles, what makes you think I want or need your problems? Do people do self evaluations and realize that they may be at a point where they don't need to be in a relationship until they achieve stability? If you have wasted your life away not making money and now are in panic of how you need to make more, need a new job or career, etc, what exactly do you want me to do with this? I can empower someone else as a friend but there's just a certain level that I desire in a husband. I'm not saying that I can't empower a husband, but I'm just saying that I'd like for majority of the basics to be covered. There's a strong distinction between what interaction calls for a friendship and which one is allowed to flourish into a romantic relationship. If you can't provide the 3 P's for a Godly husband, then why apply? Maybe other women find this acceptable but I don't. And for heaven's sake, I'm tired of hearing that there is more than one way to provide. The provider I'm talking about is one who supplies the most important necessities of life; a roof over our heads, food, clothing and transportation.
The truth of the matter is that I can seriously lead a life of a superwoman by myself, but I too would one day like to feel vulnerable enough and secure enough to remove my crown and my cape and allow a man to take the wheel. I have and hate the fear that I may lack while allowing someone else to be in control, but that fear develops with just not having a sense of security unless I provide it for myself. As I told someone in what turned into an unplanned on my behalf back and forth debate over my opinion of what I desire in a mate, it must be really nice to feel wholeheartedly secure about a woman who can cook, clean, provide 50% or 100% for herself or even you, help with outdoor upkeep, hustle to get us out of any hole we may be in, be affectionate, smells nice, dresses well, have a bubbly personality, be respectful, open to trying new things, educated, go to the Father on your behalf, God fearing, not have kids or an ex-husband (though I'm open to someone with both in their history), etc. It would just be nice to get the same... Someone who's ego can be stroked because it deserves to be admired and applauded, not because you're just trying to keep peace and save feelings. To me that's not arguable. What I want for me and what I feel like I deserve is what I DESERVE. Your opinion that differs from this really goes in through one ear and out the other. There's no compromising unless I choose to and without any feelings involved, it's easy to say what I'm not dealing with. You can't convince me that I'm asking for too much because if that's the case then maybe I just need to give a little or even a lot less of me so one can ask for more and feel the same way. I'm also not convinced that I'm asking too much when I know women who have men just like this. It's almost as if men today make women feel "too accomplished" if that's possible. I am who I am through the help of God. If you want to be with me, it's quite simple. Ship up or ship out. Step correct or don't step at all. Otherwise, say hello to the ignore zone or the friend zone. Choose ye this day.
I'll just sit this post here as I continue to wait to be wowed instead of underwhelmed... waiting for my "Good thang".
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